She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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