i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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