ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
