party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
