When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
