i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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