It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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