im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
