Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
