when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
