pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They took my balls.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize