i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
