so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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