if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
