I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
