Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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