ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
