took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
