never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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