CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
