i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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