I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
