I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
