guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
