I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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