i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
