So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
