where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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