Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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