the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
