True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
