I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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