Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
