Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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