the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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