Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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