hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
