In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
