toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
