Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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