textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize