bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
