Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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