Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
