I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
