I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
