He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
