Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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