Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
