I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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