He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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