The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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