thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
