My friends, they love my intelligence
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
