after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize