So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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