How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
