She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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