i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Girls should come with a carfax report
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
