i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We got so high we made milksteak
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
