My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
