handjob tips. give me some.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
