you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize