Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
