Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
