...so i touched it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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