the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
