im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
