so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
the raccoons are back...
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