one might say we're banned from that church
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dignity is for republicans.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
